Hopefully the first of many...

 Trigger Warning: Alternate lifestyle, depression

    This is the first start of blog.  I doubt anyone will read this but who knows.  I have tried multiple mediums as ways to write out my feelings hoping it will be therapeutic. I feel it wise to warn that more than likely my posts will consist of darker thoughts rather than uplifting words.  Negative opinions about things and people.  Those words may come off like I strongly despise or even hate the things that I will talk about.  Maybe in that moment, I do.     

    I have lived in an alternate relationship/living situation since November of  2019.  I am referring to a polyamorous relationship.  My partner (female), who is married, with 4 children in the home, invited in to their home when I had no where to go and was going through another dark period in my life.  Fast forward a little over 2 years from then, and I feel that is has been a giant dark hole in my life. There was a time before then, I had problems with anger and being able to control my angry emotions in a reasonable manner. For a while I had them under control.  Even being able to recognize when I am going to be triggered.  Nowadays, I can still feel the trigger coming, but my body is so full of emotion, that I don't care. 

    I am not going to go into a full story right now.  That will come eventually bit by bit.  What I can say is that, in a home full of people, there are times when I feel this is the most alone I have been. Alone physically.  Alone with my thoughts. Cursed even.  I welcome anyone who can sympathize or who wants to offer support.  Please respect and leave negativity at the door.