Bullshit #2

 I'm getting sick and tired of only me being put under a microscope and criticized and scrutinized for everything I do or don't do.  I'm treated like I am invisible until I say or do something that someone does not like.  Yesterday evening for instance.  I have no problem doing things for people, I just wanted to be asked, not told.  And lately there is a lot of telling involved.  I have every right to get upset.  Your drunk, lazy husband, who lies to you, has more credibility than me.  You call me out and get personal, because I did not feel like going out to a store again without even being asked.  You can go ahead and put shit over my head and make it personal, but one, that shows how petty you are being, and also shows me more of how you look at me.  At some point, because I wanted to start having a voice of my own, and actually be treated like a partner, you then started looking at me as property.  Not in a traditonal sense, but how dare I disagree with you.  Your life partner, was dead for 2 days this week, but to you, its ok and acceptable.  As you have said before, you hate when it happens but have no control because you have no where to go.  So you deal, ignore those problems.  Sure you speak up, maybe in hopes one of these days that he will actually listen and want to be better, but seems like a notion that is next to impossible.  I may not bring money to the table, but I do contribute.  I get between $300-400 a month in food stamps, and I do not eat that myself.  Without hesitation, i use it buy the house food and whatever else that can be bought with it.  So remember that for one before you toss out insults.  I hurt myself yesterday, not that I was looking for sympathy, but no one has checked on me today.  Sometimes a little goes a long way.  But it is the normal.  I check on other people, but I get fingers pointed at me and accusations.  What I want is simple.  I want to be an equal.  I want to feel wanted.  I want to feel desired.  I want to feel loved.  I don't want to feel empty everyday.  Instead I feel like someone's tissue paper after it's been used and thrown in the trash.  Am I wrong to feel this way?