Why Do I Even Hang On?

       Why do I even bother anymore?  What's wrong with me?  Clinging on to a non-existent ray of hope that maybe I'll be looked at or talked to or touched they way I had been so long ago.  Feels like a made up memory now.  I'm tired of coming off whining or a hippocrite in my head or when I go back and read my thoughts.  I'm tired of not being a choice.  I'm tired of being treated like I don't exist.  I'm tired of you now acting like you now know everything and everything must be done your exact way.  I'm not you.  I am not your clone.  I do things my way and they still get done. I'm tired of you putting yourself and him on a pedestal.  You live a lie one way or another.  But you are so willing to overlook everything about him because you are afraid of the alternative.  And condemn everyone else. Shame on you.